


Turn The Page

by Weevilo707



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Post-Canon, john's already dead technically, letting go, merle just doesn't want to say goodbye, slight johnchurch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 17:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15611685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weevilo707/pseuds/Weevilo707
Summary: Will it please me when someone lights a candle and says my name?Will I say—leave me in my pyramid, blow out the flame and close the lid,This story’s done, why don’t we turn the page?Merle isn't good at letting go. Death never meant much to any of them before, why should this time be any different?





	Turn The Page

Merle hadn’t realized how hard letting go would be. Even when the thing you were letting go of was an enemy that had fought and succeeded in killing you and your family on many occasions for over a century.

Or not thing, person.

John was a person, and a friend.

And it wasn’t like it was in any way different from how they had always interacted. The only difference was that this time, John didn’t kill him whenever he had to leave. That went and made their interactions as a whole at least 100 percent more pleasant.

So, he didn’t see any reason to stop, or care, or be down about it. John was dead, and he would never say where his soul was when they weren’t in parlay. Even still, for a couple of hours every Thursday night Merle would sit in his room and get into Parlay.

And so for a few hours every Thursday, John was in front of him, and they would chat like the old friends they were now. John never had much to update him on, but over time he seemed to be remembering himself. What he was and who he was before the hunger. He told Merle about it, the bits and pieces of happiness that had been there before the despair had taken over so completely.

Merle on his part did have things to update John on. He told him about setting up the extreme teen adventurers, about rebuilding Bottlenose Cove. Told him about all the big ways the world recovered and thrived, the way people changed after coming together, and he told him about all the small ways things had changed too.

With every little victory he described, every bit of joy and happiness the world had earned, John seemed at peace. There had been a moment, when he’d first parlayed with him again after the end of the word where he was worried he might take it as some slight. Which, okay maybe it was in a way. The hunger had been wrong, and Merle wasn’t about to pretend he wasn’t proud of that.

But John never seemed upset. If anything, he seemed almost proud of them too and happy to hear about it all.

He seemed more at peace than Merle had ever seen him before, and that alone was enough to get him to keep coming back week after week. Whatever death was like for him, it seemed to be enough that he could allow himself to be wrong.

Lately though, something had changed. Merle couldn’t place a finger on what it was, on what had caused something to shift in their relationship once again. It was there though, in the way John seemed a little less excited every time Merle showed up. In the way he spoke less and less about his life before the hunger again, and just less in general. He still listened, nodding along and smiling as Merle recounted what adventure he’d taken the extreme teens on, or how the monthly get together with the old crew had gone, or the new drink he’d added to the Merlegaritaville menu.

The smile had turned somber though, and tired, and Merle didn’t know why or what to do about that.

So he ignored it.

“Yeah, Mavis and Mookie are gonna stop by the beach next weekend. Mavis has some time off from that new job of hers and wants some family bonding time, and who can blame her, and I right?” Merle said, and maybe his happiness was a bit forced and disingenuous right now. Not because he wasn’t excited to see his kids, because he definitely was. He could never have enough time with them, especially now that they were getting older and starting out with their own lives.

No, it was mainly to make up for the solemness on John’s end. He nodded, and Merle felt he’d known him long enough to be able to tell that there was something on his mind. So he didn’t say anything for a long moment, letting John find whatever words were escaping him.

“Merle… how long has it been now?” he asked after the long bout of silence. Silence wasn’t unusual for them. Merle didn’t mind the small beats of comfortable quiet between them, when there wasn’t anything to say so they just enjoyed each other’s company. That wasn’t what this was though. This felt like a stillness before a storm, like a quiet inevitability of something he didn’t want to face.

It felt, in a way, like a world frozen before the decent of the hunger, but it didn’t feel like it was coming from John.

“Oh, you know I’m terrible at keeping track of all that. I guess it’s gotta be close to twenty-five, thirty years now? You wouldn’t be able to tell from looking at Taako and his whole crew, but I guess Mags is getting up there now, and Mavis and Mooke have definitely grown. That boy detective is a little less little too,” he said, and John nodded once again. Merle knew he had aged too, not that he was a spring chicken to begin with.

John still looked exactly as Merle had first seen him, all those decades ago now.

“Merle, when are you going to end this?” John asked, and it sounded like something he’d been wondering for some time. Like something he'd only just now managed to get up the nerve to ask.

“What ya mean buddy?” Merle asked. John sighed, like he thought Merle was being obtuse. Maybe he was, but if that was the case it wasn’t entirely on purpose. He didn’t know what John meant, possibly because he didn’t want to think about it enough to figure it out.

“How long are you going to keep coming back here? How much longer are you going to drag this out for?” John asked, and Merle frowned.

“Well, forever I guess? I mean not  _ forever _ forever, there aren’t anymore resets so the next time I kick it that’s it for me, but until then at least,” he said, like it was obvious. It was obvious, of course he was going to keep checking in on his friend. He had no reason to stop.

“Merle, you can’t do that,” John said, and he sounded almost desperate. He didn’t seem surprised by that answer, but he didn’t sound happy to hear it. As far as anything went, Merle had no idea what had prompted this change. It had been fine before. 

“I don’t see why not,” he said flippantly. It wasn’t like he was in danger here, John wasn’t going to kill him anymore. He’d had at least twenty five years now if he wanted to do that.

“Because I’m dead, I’ve been dead for a very long time,” John said, and Merle waved him off. That didn’t seem like a very big deal in his book at all, let alone a big enough one to stop coming here.

“Eh, like half the people I know are dead. Doesn’t stop me from going out to dinner with them, don’t see why it should be any different with you,” he said.

“But it is different. They still have a purpose, they’re dead but they still have a  _ life. _ Do you understand what I’m saying Merle?” John asked, and Merle shook his head.

“I can’t say I do John,” he said, his voice a bit more serious than it had been thus far. John sighed, rubbing his temples somewhat as he seemed to think.

“I… Merle, I’m asking this as your friend. I know, considering where we started that’s a weird thing to say, but please, just… stop,” he said, and he sounded so tired.

“Why?” he asked, and for a moment it felt like they were back to bargaining for information again. Like John was some adversary he needed to figure out. If Merle was able to pull him from the grip the Hunger had on him, maybe he could pull him from whatever force was making him think he should be left to oblivion.

John stared out at the ocean in front of them. Parley didn’t take place in that office room anymore, instead they sat on the beach. It was a lot nicer in Merle’s opinion. Less formal. It felt like home.

“Merle… for as long as you’ve known me, for as long as it  _ matters _ I’ve been running from death. I can’t say I’m not thankful for these escapes from it. It’s still… you were right. Hearing about how the world has thrived with the Hunger destroyed, it’s been a relief. It was  _ good _ , hearing how there actually is some hope out there, that despite everything life matters,” John said, and he really did sound grateful. Some of the gloom that had been hovering around him since the start of this visit lifted, if only for a moment.

“Well then, what makes it a problem now?” Merle asked, because he still didn’t understand where the shift had happened.

“Because it’s… it’s just delaying the inevitable Merle,” he said, and Merle rolled his eyes at that.

“Lots of things are inevitable. Doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy ourselves before they happen,” he said, but John was shaking his head. Somewhere in the pit of his stomach, Merle got the feeling that he wasn’t going to change his mind on this one. John was always stubborn.

Merle ignored that feeling for now.

“This isn’t before it happened. This happened a long time ago,” he said, before letting out a desperate laugh and running a hand down his face. “I’ve been dead for  _ thirty years _ Merle. I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not long, believe me, I know. But it’s just… this has to end sometime,” he said.

“So why now? I get it okay, I get it. I just don’t see why now,” Merle asked.

“I guess it doesn’t have to be now, technically. It’s just… I’m still scared, in the end. Eternity is still  _ terrifying,  _ and I suppose the longer I put it off the worse it gets,” John admitted. Merle didn’t say anything to that for a long time, letting his flesh hand slowly dig under the sand. He was never sure how much of the things in parley were real. The sand certainly felt like it was though.

He wanted to say something to convince John he was wrong. He’d managed to do it once before after all, but he just… he wasn’t sure if he was wrong, this time.

“Well then, what now?” he asked. John laughed again, but this time there was relief mixed in with the desperation. Merle wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

“I don’t really know, being honest. I just… how about a game of chess?” he said, and when Merle nodded a chess board appeared between them on the sand.

They played in silence, and they played often enough that it quickly fell into something normal. Merle could almost pretend there wasn’t a weight of finality here.

The match lasted a lot longer than their usual game. Eventually though it came to an end, Merle putting John’s king into checkmate.

“I guess that’s that,” John said, sitting back some.

“I guess it is,” Merle agreed, listening as the waves came in slowly. “I guess I should probably head out soon.” He didn’t particularly want to leave. Not yet.

“Yes, it’s getting late,” John agreed. Merle slowly got to his feet, cursing his aching bones as he dusted some of the sand off of himself.

“Well John, thanks for the chess game,” he said, and John nodded, smiling now. It didn’t look happy, but it looked at peace he supposed.

“It was my pleasure Merle,” he said. It felt like there should be more to say than that. He guessed there didn’t really need to be though. He was a bit surprised actually when John continued. “Goodbye Merle, and thank you.”

“Not a problem buddy,” Merle said, and with that he was out of parlay. He wasn’t sure how long he kept sitting there for, but he was never good with judging that sort of thing. After a bit though he pulled out his stone of farspeech. It took a bit, probably because it was so late, but eventually there was an answer.

“Hey Maggie, you and old pointy hat doing anything next week? My Thursday nights just opened up.”

**Author's Note:**

> i never write merle or john which is a shame because they're some of my favorite characters and i love their dynamic and relationship so much. it's just so interesting. the song in the summary and that inspired this oneshot is Pyramid by Jason Webley, and it's really pretty and sad and y'all should go listen to it. 
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and i hope you enjoy~


End file.
